As a community we tend to keep death and dying at arm’s length, until we experience the death of a close friend or family member. Commonly, with little or no experience, we outsource the whole process to the for-profit funeral industry.
In 2009, a group from Port Kembla Community Centre developed their desire for deeper participation in death and dying through the idea of community-led funerals. Tender Funerals Illawarra, a not-for-profit registered charity, officially opened in 2016.
Tender operates out of the former fire station in Port Kembla and offers affordable, personalised, meaningful funerals with the aim of involving families and community to support healthy bereavement. The Tender model has been replicated in Wauchope, west of Port Macquarie, with several other locations throughout Australia in development.
The aim is to change the culture around death and dying, and to work with family and friends to provide an experience according to their needs and the wishes of the person.
I experienced this firsthand following the death of my mother last year.
I first heard about Tender years ago through my friend and Tender's artist in residence, Michele Elliot. The Tender team gently assisted with the care of my mum, offering as much involvement as we wanted, including decorating the coffin and preparing our mum for the funeral.
Tender has 12 paid staff and more than 20 volunteers.
“Volunteers are at the heart of everything we do at Tender, from assisting on a funeral service, administrative tasks, gardening, transport or assisting the funeral directors to care for someone in the mortuary,” manager Nadine Giles says.
Nadine began as a Tender volunteer in 2017 after the death of her best friend, Suze. Nadine then left the Illawarra, working as a funeral director in Melbourne, before returning to Tender in 2021.
“We are thankful to receive donations from the community of sheets and cushions, or pillows to assist with the personal care for everyone we look after at Tender,” Nadine says.
A benevolent fund, supported through donations, allows Tender to offer concession rates to families experiencing financial difficulties.
“We fundraise for different projects. Currently it’s to purchase another vehicle to transport people to their funerals. All donations are tax deductible.”
Recently, Tender assisted with the first interment in the natural burial site at Wollongong Lawn Cemetery, Kembla Grange.
Every year, Tender hosts a memorial picnic to remember and honour loved ones. The first one since Mum’s death was several Sundays ago; a cold but sunny winter’s day in the peaceful Mt Keira Scout Camp surrounded by rainforest and the calling black cockatoos. Attendees are invited to share food influenced by the memories of their loved one.
Tender also hosts a community choir and a sewing circle. The choir, led by local musician Malika Elizabeth, meets every second Tuesday evening and performs at funerals and other events, including the annual picnic. Artist in residence Michele Elliot supports a sewing circle, which meets every second Saturday.
For more information and to support Tender Funerals, visit their website.
