Thirroul’s Tony Ryan gives pineapple lovers and others a pizza his mind.
I was walking around Sydney the other day around lunchtime, when at a set of traffic lights I heard a huffing and puffing behind me. I turned to see a bloke in full running kit, jogging on the spot and checking his smart watch. He smelt like an old sock. Then when the lights changed, he took off.
What did he want to achieve? Trying to impress people at work? ‘Look at me, I’m fit!’ I reckon they’d think if you want go for a run, do it before or after work and don’t stink up the office. We all know a shower straight after a run never takes.
I don’t get that!
As an aside: I went for a run the other day and after a minute I realised I forgot something – so I ran home! I concluded the fact that I forgot that I don’t like running. Then I thought of other things I just don’t get.
The other day I had a bit of time on the train so, with my quill, ink and some parchment paper, I noted down a few observations.
I saw people carrying small backpacks by the handle. Why buy a backpack with straps but carry it by hand? I don’t get that!
People who buy an extra large Big Mac meal, but order a Diet Coke? I don’t get that!
I also saw buskers and beggars on the street. Good luck to you, but who is carrying cash these days: let alone small change. I don’t get that!
My kids leave one sheet of toilet paper on the toilet roll, but don’t change the roll, just so they don’t have to throw out the rubbish and change the roll! Is there anything more frustrating than bursting into the toilet and having to find a new roll? I just don’t get that.
Pineapple on pizza? Who thought of that? Fruit with meat? Who has a roast lamb and kiwi fruit sandwich? I don’t get that!
People who list their profession as an Influencer? Now that’s something I just don’t get!
People who give themselves marketing titles. I saw this on a packet of my wife’s vitamins. They listed the founder as a Natural Health Crusader. Crusader? Does he ride around town on a horse, pull out his sword and cut down people in the street because they’re eating junk food? I don’t get that.
‘Normal’ milk has to be in your fridge and maybe lasts about a week. Long-life milk sits on a shelf and is supposedly drinkable for a year ... because it has a bit of extra packaging on it. I just don’t get that.
I was at the gym the other day and this person got on the treadmill and walked at walking pace for about 20 minutes then left. Why would you go to a sweaty old gym when we have the most beautiful coastline and bush to explore? I did not get that.
Tailgaters who get so close that they must think I’ll turn into a ghost and they can drive right through me. I don’t get that!
People say to give “110%”. It is impossible to actually do that – 100% is the best you can do. That I do not get!
A good friend of mine who we travel with always tries to be in charge of the itinerary, which is great as it means I don’t have to make any decisions. She’ll say “Let’s meet in the lobby at 6am.” I get there at 5:59am and she says “Finally!” and asks if I’m ever early for anything. Well, if you wanted me there at 5:50am, just say so. Don’t bag me out for being on time! I don’t get that!
I don’t get why my wife puts the used cooking oil in the empty can of Coke on the bench. So when I go to clean up and grab the can I think, “Oh, there’s a bit left in here”. After the first mouthful I realise it’s cooking oil. I don’t know why she does that. Actually, maybe I do – but I still I don’t get that!
And finally. The person who saw a chicken lay an egg and thought “Mmm, I wonder what that would taste like.” Well, I don’t get that either!
I don’t get why people like these silly little thoughts that float around the empty space between my ears, which I then scribble down for this great magazine, but apparently some people do! Thanks to Gen for having the courage to print such a sensational locally focused magazine each and every month.
To everyone, have a terrific 2024!
