The mental load. If you're anything like my partner and I, that phrase brings up a lot of animosity. But the mental load for women/mums/caregivers/household runners is real and it's a huge issue. So how did we get here? I am a progressive feminist with a progressive feminist partner. How have the scales become so unbalanced? I can assure you though, I, as the woman, carry the mental load in my household.
Don't get me wrong, my partner is fantastic. He is very hands on with the kids, does the washing, cleaning, bins, you name it. But I am still the gatekeeper to all the information of our family. I know when it's book day, when the groceries are coming, when the next immunisation appointment is, the fact that my son hates yoghurt this week but loved it last week, when our house rates are due – and I could go on and on.
How did I become this person?
To be honest, I am the organised one. As a communications specialist, it's my job to think five steps ahead. However, I have heard numerous experts talk on this subject and say that when the woman stays home on maternity leave and she isn't working (well, doing paid work), the organisation naturally falls to her. And then continues to stay with her even through starting paid work again.
Not fair, right? A few things that I do to help lighten my load include the following:
- I veto tasks. I don't sort the car insurance, bins or manage the livelihood of our cat (I keep the kids alive instead). Because I am charge of most of the household, I get to pass on the tasks I hate – the little wins, right?
- I outsource. Acknowledging my privilege to do so, I outsource tasks that are too difficult to manage. We have a lovely cleaner and a gardener who helps us maintain the garden who come every fortnight to take the load off us
- I create lists and calendar reminders. If you looked in my phone, my notes section is full of lists of little reminders. My calendar is also full of random words or phrases that I can easily decode once the alert comes up
- I (try) not to micromanage. This one is tricky for me but if my partner is in charge of a task, I try not to jump in and say you need to do it like X, Y and Z. It will get done. Maybe not my way (or the right way, haha) but it will get done. Embrace the lack of control.
Those are my tips, but I'd love to hear yours. Join the conversation on Facebook and Instagram